WHAT DO YOU DO?
During the day, I write and say things that help other people make money. On weekends, I save bees from drowning in swimming pools.
WHAT STEPS DID YOU TAKE TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE NOW?
In order to have good ideas, I’ve been willing to have lots and lots of bad ones, and to try a lot of things that don’t work. I’ve lived through depression, addiction, and, worst of all, a lot of uncertainty. Nevertheless, I show up and pay attention.
How do you stand out in your field?
Most writers don’t read as much as I do. Most people were born with wisdom teeth. I wasn’t.
This piece should give you an idea of my values and perspective.
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON RIGHT NOW?
This month, I’ve written video scripts, blog posts, emails, and press releases for a creative staffing firm, a digital marketing agency, a wellness startup, a medical device manufacturer, and a new cryptocurrency. I’ve performed at several live storytelling shows and gotten big laughs. I’m kicking around some jokes, a chatbot script, and a customer satisfaction survey. I’m also remaining a vegetarian and drinking enough water to survive.
WHAT'S YOUR STYLE/PERSPECTIVE/TASTE? DO YOU HAVE A PROJECT THAT REPRESENTS THIS?
“The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” - David Ogilvy
My preferred mode is dry, cynical humor. When I die, I expect to say, “it figures.” Levity saves lives, and I’m drawn to any project with a humorous component. Humor doesn’t work in every context, but I always use it to get ideas.
My favorite work I’ve done is a series of fake press releases I’ve written as pranks. You may or may not be aware of them.
WE ARE ALL SLASHIES WITH MULTIPLE SKILLS, WHICH ONE DO YOU WISH YOU COULD DO MORE OFTEN?
I’m interested in the future of culture and storytelling, telling stories through new channels, using new technologies (especially podcasting, AR/VR, and experience design). I love entertainment, design, and marketing with a funny or prankish element.
WHAT IS FRUSTRATING YOU RIGHT NOW?
I’d love to finish more longform work (a screenplay, a 5,000-word essay, a 240-character Tweet), but I tend to lose focus. It’s easy to do.
I hate that my species seems headed for extinction because we’d rather be dead than shift its perspectives. I hate that the world is losing bumblebees and adding political pundits. I hate the scourge of depression that has laid waste to so much of my life, and I’m determined to be happy and successful just to spite it.
IF YOU COULD HIRE SOMEONE FOR $20/HR, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE THEM DO TO MAKE YOUR DAY EASIER?
Everyone else wants to hire a unicorn. I’d rather hire an octopus. My octopus makes stock predictions, amuse me with physical comedy, and multitask as needed.
If the octopus isn’t available, I’d love some help straightening my apartment, rotating my tires, and revising my writing.
LET'S BRING OUT THE TIME MACHINE. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD HAVE TOLD YOURSELF, WHEN, AND WHY?
Give up on having everything be exactly a certain way - it’s never going to happen, and it would be disappointing if it did. Stick with piano lessons.
IF YOU COULD TALK TO AN EXPERT TO GAIN MORE INSIGHT ON SOMETHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?
I love chatting with people who know a lot about story structure, behavioral psychology, and Buddhist philosophy. I would skip meeting a world leader in order to hang out with almost anyone who can make me laugh.
WHAT KIND OF OPPORTUNITIES/PROJECTS ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
I’d love to be a ruler, but I’m happier being a compass. I want to make money telling stories, preferably in ways they’ve never been told before.
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL JOB/CLIENT/COLLABORATION.
I’d rather work with explorers than billionaires. I would love to work on more elaborate pranks, alternate reality games, or immersive theatrical experiences. I don’t mind if you forget my birthday, as long as you treat me like an adult.
WHAT IS YOUR HOURLY RATE, RETAINER, OR SALARY RANGE?
I’ve heard that happiness tops out at $75K/yr. Adjusted for inflation and Southern California, let’s say $100K/yr. If you pay fairly, I can trust you. Don’t go so low that you insult me, and don’t go so high that I question your integrity and intelligence.
HOW SHOULD SOMEONE APPROACH YOU ABOUT WORKING TOGETHER?
Don't slide into my DMs - I'm one of the few who still prefer email. Glittery gifs are good, but don’t send real glitter through the post. Be specific, be upfront about money, and leave me wanting more.
HOW DO YOU STAY CREATIVE?
This member profile was originally published in July 2018.